Found this on my computer, forgot I had it, might as well share in case someone else is just as insane as I am. Under the cut is a transcription of every single piece of dialog said by any Aqua or Magma character in Pokémon Emerald, including stationary grunts who are only there at certain points in the game to provide roadblocks, and including all dialog by all grunts spoken after you fight them. (Later games stopped doing this at some point, but in RSE at least, all grunts have three pieces of dialog–what they say when they challenge you to fight, what they say when they lose, and what they say if you choose to speak to them again after you’ve beaten them; you won’t ever see that last piece of dialog unless you walk up to them after the fight and press A.)
Basically, I just wanted a reference of all of this, but couldn’t find the game’s script online (and certainly couldn’t find any of the “optional” grunt dialog) soooo I just played the whole game through and wrote down every single thing.
Grunts say some hilarious shit, you guys.
*
AQUA GRUNT IN WOODS
GRUNT: I was going to ambush you, but you had to dawdle in Petalburg Woods forever, didn’t you? I got sick of waiting, so here I am! You! Devon researcher! Hand over those papers! [after loss] Hunh? What do you think you’re doing? What, you’re going to protect him? No one who crosses Team Aqua gets any mercy, not even a kid! Come on and battle me! [after loss] You’re kidding me! You’re tough! [after battle] Grrr…You’ve got some nerve meddling with Team Aqua! Come on and battle me again! I wish I could say that, but I’m out of Pokémon…And, hey, we of Team Aqua are also after something in Rustboro. I’ll let you go today!
*
AQUA GRUNT IN RUSTURF TUNNEL
GRUNT: What, are you coming? Come and get some, then! [backs away] Grah, keelhaul it all! That hostage Pokémon turned out to be worthless! And to think I made a getaway…In this tunnel to nowhere! Hey! You! So you want to battle me? [after loss] Urrrggh! My career in crime comes to a dead end! [after fight] This is plain not right…The boss told me this would be a slick-and-easy job to pull. All I had to do was steal some package from Devon. Tch! You want it back that badly, take it! [DEVON GOODS GET]
*
AQUA GRUNTS BLOCKING OFF ROUTE 110
GRUNT 1: Team Aqua’s activities…We can’t talk about them yet.
GRUNT 2: I want to get going to Slateport and kick up a ruckus!
GRUNT 3: This is my first job after joining Team Aqua. It’s a little scary.
GRUNT 4: Team Aqua’s actions should bring smiles to people’s faces!
*
AQUA GRUNTS OUTSIDE SLATEPORT MUSEUM
GRUNT 1: Why are we even lining up and paying? We should just march in!
GRUNT 2: A long line, huh? It reminds me of the times I lined up to buy smash-hit games…
GRUNT 3: What’s the new scheme, I wonder? Our boss is scary when he’s mad, so I’d better not screw things up…
GRUNT 4: If there’s something we need in the museum, we should take it all!
GRUNT 5: Hey, you there! Don’t butt in!
GRUNT 6: When this operation’s over, I’ll take you to a hot spring spa! That’s what our leader said. I can’t wait!
GRUNT 7: What? What do you want? You want to read this sign? I’ll read it for you! Let’s see…Um, I think it says something like, “the life in the sea is endless.” Yup, I’m pretty sure that’s what it says.
GRUNT 8: Grumble…I should’ve brought my Game Boy Advance so I wouldn’t get bored in line…Grumble…
GRUNT 9: Our boss is brilliant. What would he want to do with a museum now?
GRUNT 10: Team Aqua has a policy of assembling and dispersing at the operation site.
GRUNT 11: Hey, there! Quit pushing! This is the line, can’t you see?
*
AQUA GRUNTS INSIDE SLATEPORT MUSEUM
GRUNT 1: If I ripped off the stuff in here, would it make me rich?
GRUNT 2: If our goons didn’t bungle things in Rustboro, we wouldn’t be here!
GRUNT 3: What I learn here, I can put to use on nefarious deeds…
GRUNT 4: I didn’t have $50, so it took a long time getting by the receptionist…
GRUNT 5: We, Team Aqua, exist for the good of all!
GRUNT 6: We were told to assemble here, so we did, but…Our boss, the linchpin, isn’t here.
*
UPSTAIRS IN MUSEUM
GRUNT 1: Hehehe, hold it! We’ll take those parts! […] We’re Team Aqua! Our boss wants those parts! Shut your yap and fork them over! [after loss] Awaaaah! A kid beat me! [after battle] Oh, man, what a disaster…The boss is going to be furious…
GRUNT 2: Humph, sniveling wimp! Let me take care of this! [after loss] What?! I lost, too! [after battle] Now what? If we don’t get those parts, we’re in for it! Arrgh, I didn’t count on being meddled with by some meddling kid!
ARCHIE: I came to see what was taking so long to snatch some parts, and you simps are held up by a mere child? We are Team Aqua, and we love the sea! And I am Team Aqua’s leader, Archie! What makes you interfere with us? …No! You can’t be! You’re not one of Team Magma? Wait, that can’t be right. You’re not dressed for the part. … Pokémon, people…All life depends on the sea. So, Team Aqua is dedicated to the expansion of the sea. Don’t you agree? What we are doing is a magnificent undertaking. Ah, fine…You’re still too young to understand our noble objective. But, I warn you, don’t even consider interfering with our plans again. The consequences will cost you dearly! And don’t you forget it!
*
MAGMA GRUNTS AT BASE OF MT. CHIMNEY
GRUNT 1: Hey, man, is our leader really going to awaken that thing?
GRUNT 2: Sounds like it, yeah. But I heard we need a meteorite to do it.
GRUNT 1: Oh, I get it now. That’s why the rest of the crew went out to Fallarbor.
GRUNT 2: You got it. And until they come back, we’re not to let anyone pass, right.
*
TEAM MAGMA AT METEOR FALLS
TABITHA: Hehehe! With this meteorite, that thing in Mt. Chimney will… [notices me] Heh? I don’t know who you are, but if you get in the way of Team Magma, don’t expect any mercy!
ARCHIE: Hold it right there, Team Magma! You’re badly mistaken if you think you can have your way with the world!
TABITHA: Hehehe! Even Team Aqua joins us! But it’s too much trouble to deal with you all…Heh, it doesn’t matter! We’ve got the meteorite, so off to Mt. Chimney we go! Hehehe! Be seeing you, Team Aqua dingbats! [they flee]
ARCHIE: Didn’t I see you before? At Slateport’s museum? Ah, so your name is <player>. At the time, I thought you were one of Team Magma’s goons. Humph…You’re one odd kid. Team Magma is a dangerous group of total fanatics. They engage in destruction, claiming to expand the land mass. They are the rivals to us, the sea-loving Team Aqua!
AQUA GRUNT: Boss, we should give chase to Team Magma…
ARCHIE: Yes, yes, we must! We’ve got to hurry. There’s no telling what Team Magma will do at Mt. Chimney! <player>, you should keep an eye out for Team Magma, too. Farewell!
*
AT MT. CHIMNEY, TEAM AQUA VS. TEAM MAGMA. (Archie is taking on 3 Magma grunts by himself like a motherfucking boss.)
ARCHIE: Grr, <player>! I should’ve guessed you’d show up! See for yourself what the fanatics of Team Magma are up to! They’re trying to inject the stolen meteorite’s power into the volcano! Doing something like that will cause the volcano’s eruption!
MAGMA GRUNT 1: You’d better not mess with us! We’re trying to awaken that thing for everyone’s benefit!
MAGMA GRUNT 2: Meteorites pack amazing power!
MAGMA GRUNT 3: That annoying Team Aqua…They always mess with our plans!
*
PAIRS OF GRUNTS FIGHTING
AQUA 1: If they expand the land, there’ll be less habitats for Water Pokémon!
MAGMA 1: We’re going to keep making more land!
AQUA 2: We’re Team Aqua! They’re Team Magma! It burns me up that they’d use such a confusing name!
MAGMA 2: We’re Team Magma! They’re Team Aqua! It totally annoys me that they’d use a name like ours!
*
MAGMA AT MT. CHIMNEY
MAGMA GRUNT 1 (FEMALE): If there was more land, I’d be able to get a big house of my own! I’m going to build it on hardened lava! [after loss] My dream of a big house… [after battle] A kid like you, you ought to be splashing about in the waves!
MAGMA GRUNT 2 (MALE): We of Team Magma are working hard for everyone’s sake. Like, if that thing’s power made more land, there’d be more places to live. Everyone’d be happy! [after loss] Hunh? What do you mean I lost? [after battle] Our boss says, “It will make everyone happy.” But why does everyone keep getting in our way?
TABITHA: Hehehe! So you’ve come all the way here! But you’re too late! I’ve already delivered the meteorite from Meteor Falls to the boss! [after loss] Hehehe…Even though I’ve lost, if our leader awakens that thing… [after battle] Boss, hurry! Give it the meteorite’s energy! Hehehe…
MAXIE: The power contained in the meteorite…By amplifying its power with this machine, Mt. Chimney’s volcanic activity will instantly intensify…Its energy will grow deep inside the crater and…Fufufu… [notices me] Hm? Who are you? … I’d heard Archie bemoaning a child who’s been meddling in Team Aqua’s affairs. It must be you he meant. Humph! So you’re thinking of interfering with us, Team Magma? Now you listen. Long ago, living things used the land to live and grow. That is why land is all important! It is the cradle of all! That is why Team Magma is dedicated to the expansion of the land mass. It is for further advancement of humankind and Pokémon! And for that, we need the power of what sleeps within this mountain…Oh! There was no need for you to learn that much. But, no matter! I’ll teach you the consequences of meddling in our grand design! [after loss] What?! I, Maxie, was caught off guard?! [after battle] But, enough. I will back off this time. But don’t think that this is the last you’ve seen of Team Magma. Fufufu…Even without the meteorite, if we obtain that Orb…Fufufu…
ARCHIE: <player>! Thank you! With your help, we thwarted Team Magma’s destructive plan! But…You…Whose side are you on? Ah, it doesn’t matter. We will remain vigilant and keep up our pursuit of Team Magma. <player>, we shall meet again!
*
THAT ONE GUY
MAGMA GRUNT GUARDING HIDEOUT: Wah! What are you doing here? What am I doing in a place like this? What business is it of yours? [after loss] Urrrgh…I should’ve ducked into our hideout right away… [after battle] Okay, oh-kay! I admit it—you’re strong! Don’t worry about me. Go wherever you want!
*
AQUA GRUNTS ON LOOKOUT AT WEATHER INSTITUTE
GRUNT 1: We’re standing lookout here. Hey, you! Stay away from the Weather Institute. It’s not safe.
GRUNT 2: Lookout duty is surprisingly boring. Hey, you! Please don’t go near the Weather Institute.
*
INSIDE THE INSTITUTE
GRUNT 1 (FEMALE): Huh? What’s a kid doing here? [after loss] Huh? I lost?! [after battle] Oh, no…I’ll catch an earful for losing to a kid…I should just take a nap in the bed…
GRUNT 2 (MALE): The boss got interested in the research they have going on here, so he sent us out. You quit meddling! [after loss] Blast it…Blasted by a kid… [after battle] Our boss knows everything. But I’m just a grunt. What would I know about what he’s thinking?
GRUNT 3 (FEMALE): Don’t tell me you’re looking for that weather Pokémon, too? That’s a no-no! We were here to get it first! [after loss] Oh, will you look at my Pokémon? [after battle] Humph, so what? What we want…What we really want isn’t here…Ihihihihi…
GRUNT 4 (MALE): The Institute created a type of Pokémon that has something to do with the weather. We’re here to take them! [after loss] Our plan’s being spoiled by a kid? [after battle] If the Pokémon they made here can control the weather freely, then we of Team Aqua definitely need it!
GRUNT 5 (MALE): We’re Team Aqua! We appear wherever anything rare is found! [after loss] You got me! [after battle] You don’t have any idea what we of Team Aqua are working towards! You stay out of our way!
SHELLY: Ahahahaha! You’re going to meddle in Team Aqua’s affairs? You’re either absolutely fearless, simply ignorant, or both! You’re so cute, you’re disgusting! I’ll put you down, kiddy! [after loss] Ahahahaha! You’re disgustingly strong! [after battle] It’s bad enough to have Team Magma blunder about, but now there’s you! What makes you want to sniff around in our business, anyway?
GRUNT: We have a situation here! A Team Magma mob just passed the Weather Institute. They appear to be headed for Mt. Pyre!
SHELLY: What?! We can’t waste any more time here! We have to hurry to Mt. Pyre, too! Ahahahaha! Team Magma, just you wait!
*
AQUA GRUNTS NEAR MT. PYRE
GRUNT 1: Okay! We’re to move out to Mt. Pyre!
*
AT MT. PYRE
AQUA GRUNT 1 (MALE): Hah! Too bad for you! If you came earlier, you only would’ve had to battle the wimpy Team Magma. But since you arrived now, you have to take on us toughies! [after loss] Urgh…I should’ve let you take on Team Magma first… [after battle] You don’t know anything! So why are you messing with us?
AQUA GRUNT 2 (MALE): No! Those Team Magma goons got here ahead of us! We can’t fall behind! [after loss] I thought you were one of the Magmas who happened to come back… [after battle] Yeah, so you are strong…But there’s a lot of us!
AQUA GRUNT 3 (MALE): You…We saw you at Mt. Chimney. You don’t belong to either team, so why would you be here? [after loss] If you’re going to mess with anyone, let it be Team Magma… [after battle] Heh, it doesn’t matter! We bought ourselves some time! The boss should have snatched what he was after!
AQUA GRUNT 4 (FEMALE): Oh, I know! You tried to join Team Magma, but they wouldn’t have you! Well, don’t think that we’ll let you join our Team Aqua! [after loss] If you want to join Team Aqua that badly, we can consider it… [after battle] We have a great combination going with us members and our leader.
ARCHIE: Team Magma’s Maxie got ahead of us, but we also got what we wanted. The Red Orb preserved at Mt. Pyre…I, Archie, now have it in my possession! Fufufu…Now we can bring our ultimate objective to fruition! Okay, team! We’re pulling out!
*
AQUA GRUNTS HANGING OUT IN LILYCOVE
GRUNT 1: If this whole wide world becomes ours, Team Aqua’s, it will be a happier place for Pokémon, too.
GRUNT 2: Hey, you! Don’t go near the cave in the cove! Why? You don’t need a reason why! I’m an adult, so you just listen to me!
GRUNT 3: I’m just a grunt, so I don’t know what the boss is thinking…But being on Team Aqua, I know I’ll get the chance to do big things! Wh-who are you?! I was just talking to myself!
GRUNT 4: Fufufu…We moved more loot into our secret hideout today…Wh-who are you?! I was just talking to myself!
GRUNT 5: There! Wailmer! Leap out of the water now! Hunh? What do you want? You’re messing up our training, so can you, like, get lost?
*
MAGMA HIDEOUT, FUCK YEAH
GRUNT 1 (MALE): Our leader told us to dig into Mt. Chimney, so we dug and dug. And in the course of digging, we came across something that blew our minds! What did we find? Fuhahaha! I’ll tell you if you beat me! [after loss] Arrgh! Taken down! [after battle] I won’t tell you after all. You’ll find out when you get there! It’d be better if you saved surprises to the end, don’t you think?
GRUNT 2 (MALE): Hold it right there! You don’t really expect me to keep my trap shut and let you waltz by me? [after loss] Ooh wow! I concede! [after battle] Maybe it would’ve been better if I did just let you go unchallenged…
GRUNT 3 (FEMALE): What, what, what? Only Team Magma members are supposed to be in here! But you’re not dressed in Team Magma’s uniform…You rouse my suspicion! Battle with me! [after loss] Aiyiyi…My pride as a Team Magma member… [after battle] If you suffer from chills, you should join Team Magma.
GRUNT 4 (MALE): Oh, oh! An intruder! [after loss] Mutter… [after battle] Actually, I’m no expert at battling…
GRUNT 5 (MALE): Ahah! An intruder! [after loss] Graaah! [after battle] I’ve already lost. Do I really need to keep running around in a circle?
GRUNT 6 (MALE): What did I do to deserve this guard posting? My left ear is burning up! [after loss] I’m getting heat exhaustion… [after battle] Do you think it’s odd that we’re wearing hoods in this magma- filled volcano?
GRUNT 7 (FEMALE): We joined so we can help our leader achieve his fantastic vision. I don’t care if you’re with Team Aqua or if you’re just some kid passing by. No one interferes with us and gets away with it! [after loss] Oh, no! You’re not to be trusted at all! [after battle] Listen to me. Team Magma is right! Don’t listen to Team Aqua. Don’t believe their lies!
GRUNT 8 (MALE): I want to see Groudon, too, but they won’t let me see even its tail…It’s got me feeling really frustrated. Oh, no! I blabbed about Groudon! [after loss] I guess it’s impossible to win if one doesn’t have a calm mind… [after battle] I wonder if Groudon even has a tail?
GRUNT 9 (MALE): Fuhahaha! Soon! Very soon! Our grand objective will be achieved! [after loss] Grr…I’ve come so far, but now this? [after battle] Maxie, sir! An intruder is headed your way!
GRUNT 10 (MALE): You’re not finished yet! You’re not getting by me easily! [after loss] Was I that easy to knock down? [after battle] C-come on, one more match…
GRUNT 11 (MALE): I understand everything our leader says. But you know what? Doing stuff like digging up a super-ancient Pokémon and ripping off someone’s meteorite…I think we’re going a little too far. What do you think? [after loss] Yeah, I think we are doing something wrong somehow. [after battle] You know, losing to you cleared my mind. The next time I see our leader, I’m going to ask him about what we do.
GRUNT 12 (MALE): You can hear tremors here sometimes. Could it be the volcano rattling? Or is it Grou…Whoops! No, no, never mind! [after loss] You’re a fiery battler. Just like a volcano! [after battle] You just happened to win this time, but that doesn’t matter. Team Magma’s goal is about to be reached!
GRUNT 13 (MALE): One of our guys was freaking out that he lost his Magma Emblem…Wait a minute! Was it you who found it? [after loss] I’m having trouble believing this… [after battle] I’m getting this feeling that our plan is going to end in failure…
GRUNT 14 (MALE): I can’t stand heat. Maybe I should’ve joined Team Aqua instead… [after loss] Yeah, I really may not be right for Team Magma… [after battle] Don’t you get lonely for the sea being in a place like this?
GRUNT 15 (FEMALE): I don’t have a bone to pick with you. I’m just following orders! [after loss] I may have lost, but… [after battle] We dug up something beyond belief! And, we got the Blue Orb! All that’s left is for our leader to…Fufufu…Fwahahaha!
GRUNT 16 (MALE): When Team Magma has roll call, we get important guarding assignments in the order that we line up. That’s why I’m stuck off in this corner. I’m always late to roll call! [after loss] I’m always late for training sessions, too! I hate to say it, but I’m wimpy… [after battle] Okay, I’ll try to put a little more effort into things from now on…
TABITHA: Hehehe! You made it this far, so I’ll tell you! That’s right! Up ahead, Groudon is sleeping! Maxie went to Groudon just seconds ago! It’s going to awaken real soon! Hehe! Hehehe! [after loss] Taken down again…Hehe… [after battle] …And while you wasted time with me, Maxie should have awakened Groudon…
MAXIE: Groudon…Nothing could awaken you from your sleep bathed in magma…This Blue Orb is what you sought. Wasn’t it? I have brought you the Blue Orb. Let its shine awaken you! And show me…Show me the full extent of your power! [Blue Orb glows] Groudon! What’s wrong? Wasn’t the Blue Orb the key? Groudon! Where have you gone…Oh, so it was you? I’ve seen you poking around uninvited here and there…I get it now! You must have pulled a cheap stunt! [after loss] What makes you so adept at handling Pokémon? [after battle] There has to be some reason why Groudon fled…That’s what you’re trying to say, aren’t you? … Humph…You think I didn’t know that? With Groudon gone, there is no longer any need for this blasted volcano. I am going after Groudon, so this is where we part!
*
AQUA HIDEOUT
GRUNT 1: What? What? What do you want with Team Aqua? Our boss isn’t here! He’s gone off to jack a submarine! … Where did he go? Wahaha! Do you really think I’d tell you something that crucial?
GRUNT 2: What? What? What do you want with Team Aqua? Our boss isn’t here! He’s on his way to Slateport City! … Why did he go? Wahaha! Do you really think I’d tell you something that crucial?
*
SLATEPORT SHENANIGANS
ARCHIE: Fufufu…Captain Stern, I presume. We of Team Aqua will assume control of your submarine! Your objections are meaningless! We expect your total cooperation! Fufufu…Just watch and learn what Team Aqua has planned! … Oh? Not you again…You are tenacious to track us here, that much I will give you. But now…No one can stop us! No one! Or, will you follow us back to our hideout in Lilycove City? Fwahahahaha…
*
AQUA HIDEOUT, FUCK YEAH
GRUNT 1 (MALE): Ayiyiyi! Suspicious character spotted! [after loss] Grrrrr…I lost it! [after battle] I took the loss for the team, but I did my job…
GRUNT 2 (FEMALE): Yawn…Keeping watch over the hideout bores me. I’ll take you on. [after loss] Yawn…Oh, I lost… [after battle] If you scurry too much, other Team Aqua members might get you.
GRUNT 3 (FEMALE): Hey! You there! Which do you think is cooler? Team Aqua’s uniform or Team Magma’s? [after loss] I lost in a cool way… [after battle] If you have a cool uniform, you look good even in a loss, don’t you think?
GRUNT 4 (MALE): If you want to know the secret about our hideout, you have me to beat! [after loss] I can’t win at all… [after battle] Our hideout’s secret? Well, let’s just say…There’s a submarine at the far end! But, by now… Kekekeke…
GRUNT 5 (MALE): Wahahah, I grew weary of waiting! You owe me a battle, too! [after loss] Tired of waiting…Lost and dazed… [after battle] Boss…Is this good enough?
GRUNT 6 (MALE): Fuel supply loaded A-OK! In-cruise snacks loaded A-OK! Nothing left to do but KO a pesky meddler! [after loss] I took a serious licking! [after battle] Humph! This was supposed to happen! My mission was to just hold you up!
GRUNT 7 (MALE): When I joined Team Aqua, the first thing I had to learn was how these warp panels connected. [after loss] I was too occupied thinking about the warp panels… [after battle] I’ll have to learn how I can battle more effectively…
GRUNT 8 (FEMALE): Warp panels, the hideout’s pride and joy! You’re clueless about where you are, aren’t you? Fluster and tire out the enemy, then lower the boom! That’s our plan! [after loss] What’s wrong with you? You’re not tired at all! [after battle] That reminds me…I can’t remember where I put the Master Ball. If I fail to guard it, our boss will chew me out…
MATT: Hehehe…Got here already, did you? We underestimated you! But this is it! I’m a cut above the grunts you’ve seen so far. I’m not stalling for time. I’m going to pulverize you! [after loss] Hehehe…So, I lost, too… [after battle] Hehehe! While I was toying with you, our boss got through his preparations! Hehehe! Our boss has already gone on his way to some cave under the sea! If you’re going to give chase, you’d better search the big, wide sea beyond Lilycove. But will you find it then? Hehehe!
*
MOTHERFUCKING INTENT-TO-STEAL-NOTICE
“To the staff of the Space Center: How are you? We are doing fine. We will soon visit you to take your rocket fuel. Please don’t try to stop us. We will take the fuel no matter what. Let there be more land! – Team Magma”
*
SPACE CENTER, FUCK YEAH
GRUNT 1 (FEMALE): As promised, we’ve come for the rocket fuel! [after loss] Ran out of fuel… [after battle] Don’t think you’re on a roll just because you’ve beaten me!
GRUNT 2 (MALE): We gave you fair warning! There’s nothing sneaky about us! [after loss] Grrr…We should’ve used sneaky treachery… [after battle] Okay, I get it already! The next time, we’ll come unannounced.
GRUNT 3 (MALE): The rocket fuel the Space Center has in storage—that’s what we’re after. We mean to take every last bit of it! [after loss] Please, can you spare some fuel? Even a chintzy cup will do! [after battle] What are we going to do with the rocket fuel? How would I know? Ask our leader upstairs!
GRUNT 4 (MALE): Our leader said no one, but no one, gets past me! [after loss] Ack! Ack! Aaack! [after battle] Please, tell our leader that I never abandoned my post. That I stayed to the bitter end…
GRUNT 5 (MALE): What’s wrong with you? You’re outnumbered three to one, but you still want to take us on? A reckless go-getter, are you? Okay, I’ll go first! [after loss] I lost! But! [after battle] Are we being useful to our leader at all?
GRUNT 6 (MALE): It’s too soon to be relieved! I’m up next! [after loss] I lost, too! But! [after battle] Three of us here, and look at the sorry mess we got ourselves into.
GRUNT 7 (MALE): I bet you want to take a break. But I’m not about to let you do that! [after loss] We should’ve taken a break…That’s what we should’ve done… [after battle] We three losing like this…We look worse than usual by triple!
MEANWHILE, IN THE CORNER
MAXIE: Clear out of the way! Don’t you dare interfere!
TABITHA: Hehehe! We come all the way here to get some fuel, and we’re interfered with again! If you’re going to mess with us too, we’ll take care of you at the same time!
STEVEN: Team Magma…What’s the point of stealing rocket fuel?
MAXIE: Fufufu…Since you’re so curious, you deserve an explanation. We’re going to jettison the entire load into Mt. Chimney! With Groudon gone, we have no need for that slag heap of a mountain! So we’ll use the fuel’s power to make the volcano erupt! It will be savage!
[DEFEAT]
MAXIE: All I want…I just want to expand the land mass…
TABITHA: I’m with our leader…
MAXIE: We failed to make the volcano erupt…We failed to control Groudon after we had awoken it…Is our goal to expand the land misguided? … If…If we, Team Magma, are wrong… … Then might Team Aqua’s goal to expand the sea also be equally misguided? All right…We will give up on the fuel…There appear to be more important matters that I must examine…
*
SEAFLOOR CAVERN, TEAM AQUA
GRUNT 1 (MALE): We don’t need a kid around! Go on home already! [after loss] I want to go home… [after battle] I want to get a promotion so I can boss around the grunts…
GRUNT 2 (MALE): That submarine…It’s tiny inside. I’m sore all over! [after loss] Losing makes me sore! [after battle] That submarine we jacked, man, it’s brutal as a ride. It’s way too tight in there!
GRUNT 3 (MALE): Who are you? Where did you come in from? [after loss] Lost it… [after battle] I can’t find the way out! I’m not afraid. Don’t get me wrong!
GRUNT 4 (FEMALE): Who are you? Where do you think you’re going? [after loss] I failed to win! [after battle] My partner forgot the map in that submarine! How’s that for being useless?
GRUNT 5 (MALE): For our dream to become real, we need the power of Pokémon. But meddlers like you use the power of Pokémon to mess with us even at a place like this! Life just doesn’t work the way we need it to! [after loss] Gwah! [after battle] You know, we don’t question the motives of our leader. But here you are, just some punk, going up against our boss. Maybe…You must be something…
SHELLY: Ahahahaha! How did you manage to get here without a submarine? What an impressive child! But…It won’t do to have you meddling about here. And, I do want payback for what happened at the Weather Institute…I’m going to give you a little taste of pain! Resign yourself to it! [after loss] Ahahahaha! Ouch! [after battle] Ahahahaha! You’re so darn strong. It’s terribly disappointing that you’re not a Team Aqua member. You could have enjoyed the fabulous world our boss has promised as one of us…
ARCHIE: Hold it right there. [approaches] Fufufu…So it was you, after all. Behold! See how beautiful it is, the sleeping form of the ancient Pokémon Kyogre! I have waited so long for this day to come…It surprises me, how you’ve managed to chase me here. But that’s all over now. For the realization of my dream, you must disappear now! [after loss] What?! I lost to a mere child like you?! [after battle] Fufufu…I commend you. I must recognize that you are truly gifted. But! I have this in my possession! With this Red Orb, I can make Kyogre…
[The RED ORB glows. Kyogre wakes up and is pissed, leaves.]
ARCHIE: What?! I didn’t do anything. Why did the Red Orb…Where did Kyogre go? Hm? It’s a message from our members outside…Yes, what is it? Hm…It’s raining heavily? Good…That should have happened. That is why we awakened Kyogre, to realize Team Aqua’s vision of expanding the sea. What?! It’s raining far harder than we envisioned? You’re in danger? That can’t be…That’s just not possible…Hold your position and monitor the situation! There’s something wrong…The Red Orb is supposed to awaken and control Kyogre…But…Why? Why did Kyogre disappear? Why?!
MAXIE, TAB, AND COURTNEY SHOW UP!
MAXIE: What have you wrought? Archie…You’ve finally awoken Kyogre, haven’t you? What will happen to the world if this downpour continues for all eternity? The world’s landmass will drown in the deepening sea…
ARCHIE: W-what? Don’t get all high and mighty with me! Wasn’t it you, Team Magma, that infuriated Groudon? So long as I have this Red Orb, I should be able to control Kyogre…I should be able to control it…
MAXIE: We don’t have the time to argue about it here! Get outside and see for yourself! See if what you’ve wrought is the world that we desired! <player>, come on, you have to get out of here, too!
[OUTSIDE]
ARCHIE: What happened…What is this wretched scene…Did I…make a horrible mistake? I…I only wanted…
MAXIE: Do you understand now, Archie? Do you finally see how disastrous your dream turned out to be? We have to hurry! We have to do something before the situation gets completely out of control! <player>, don’t say anything…I know that I have no right to be critical of Archie…But the way things are now, I doubt that we humans will be capable of doing anything about it. But neither can we stand by and just watch helplessly. The responsibility for putting an end to this falls to Archie and me…This defies belief…Those super-ancient Pokémon…Their power is unbelievable. They’ve upset the balance of nature.
*
WATCHING THE SHOWDOWN
ARCHIE: Kyogre! What’s wrong? Look over here! It’s the Red Orb! Calm down! Kyogre! … It’s no good! It’s not responding at all!
MAXIE: G…Groudon! Please! Stop what you’re doing! I know the extent of your power now! If you keep going, all Hoenn, not just Sootopolis, will be utterly ruined!
*
RAYQUAZA SHOWS UP
ARCHIE: Kyogre and Groudon both flew off to who knows where. The weather in Hoenn has returned to its normal state…Haha…Hahaha…Maybe what we were trying to do was something small, even meaningless, to Pokémon…
MAXIE: So the super-ancient Pokémon weren’t only Groudon and Kyogre…After all our fruitless scheming and frantic efforts, that one Pokemon’s simple action puts everything right again as if nothing had happened…Fu…Fuhahaha…
[TOTALLY FREAKING DISAPPEAR]
*
MT. PYRE, FUCK YEAH
[MAXIE AND ARCHIE GIVE ORBS BACK TO OLD PEOPLE, THEN WALK AWAY. MAXIE STOPS, TURNS BACK AND TALKS TO ME.]
MAXIE: <player>… …
[GOES BACK AND TALKS TO/LOOKS AT ARCHIE, THEN THEY BOTH LEAVE.]