IT’S NOT REALLY SPOILERS IF I JUST COMPLETELY MAKE SHIT UP, RIGHT?

first off a ONE-MAN ARMY brings sexy back to Unova all by his goddamn self

hey you know why ghetsis isn’t on this show?? because he knows better than to try and compete for airtime with this suave motherfucker right here

“all right people we’ve got some serious goddamn shit to do today so nobody fuck this one up”

“I know you three have been strangely competent lately but your record is against you so focus”

“Yes, sir!”

MEANWHILE, WANDERING HOMELESS CHILDREN ARE UP TO THEIR USUAL BULLSHIT

MELOETTA IS THERE

also this random asshole exists?

“Ma'am? Yes, the children are still here doing their bullshit, everything’s fine”

“Excellent, Jeeves. The longer they freeload off of me, the more unnecessary screentime I get. Keep them fed.”

suddenly the reject Digimon protagonist shows up to “protect” Meloetta

oh jesus now we have to sit through the rest of the episode trying to get what is obviously a stupid-ass misunderstanding sorted out, what fun

….they….they actually use WORDS to communicate instead of chucking pokeballs around and discover the problem within thirty seconds like normal humans would?!

but then what is the point of HOLY SHIT A PLOT SHOWS UP, GODDAMN YOU GUYS ARE GOOD

the Rocket grunts send out their Zubat and Rattata–

WELL SHIT SON

“Madame Cynthia, you must come see this! There’s a plot in this show!…I’m not joking, ma'am! There’s a real, honest-to-Arceus plot happening in the villa backyard right now! Come quickly, I don’t know how long it will last!”

the kids cheese it

BUT NOT FAST ENOUGH

Ash and Meloetta cheese it more

BUT NOT FAST ENOUGH

HEY ASH, GUESS WHO HAS RIDICULOUS INFRARED GOGGLES AND NO TIME FOR YOUR PRECOCIOUS BULLSHIT?

THIS GENTLEMAN RIGHT HERE

THIS

MOTHERFUCKING

GENTLEMAN

YOU’VE BEEN WAITING FIFTEEN YEARS TO FEEL THAT PIMP SLAP AND YOU DIDN’T EVEN KNOW IT, SON

Gio steals all the shit worth stealing……and Ash

…and they get in a submarine.

why??? Bitch you think Giovanni wants Meloetta because it’s a kawaii fucking desu legendary Pokémon??? SIT YOUR ASS DOWN, HE GOT SOME SERIOUS GODDAMN PLANS UP IN HERE TODAY

there is some hardcore fucked-up ancient powerful SHIT down in the Abyssal Ruins

and Meloetta is the key to that crazy shit!!! OF COURSE YOUR STUPID ASS DIDN’T KNOW THAT AND GIOVANNI DID, JESUS, WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE

apparently the magic mirror is just BLOWN THE FUCK AWAY by Giovanni because the whole fucking ruins rise up out the goddamn ocean like fucking reverse Atlantis syndrome or some shit! Go change your fucking pantaloons, ladies and gentlemen, because YOU JUST SHAT ‘EM.

SPOILERS FOR NEXT WEEK: GIOVANNI CONTINUES TO BE AWESOME AS HELL

STAY TUNED