discovery: this joke works with literally any picture of Giovanni
Spoilers: screencaps from the 2nd part of the Rocket 2-parter
WHEN WE LAST LEFT OUR HERO, Giovanni, he was contemplating his own magnificence in a magic mirror raised from the depths of Undella Bay via crazy magical Meloetta-induced shenanigans.
what’s left for a man to do but start SUMMONING SOME AWESOME CRAZY SHIT?
“there is definitely no way anything bad could ever happen right now because no one in our universe has ever done this exact thing before at any point in time and had it go wrong”
“you said it, jessie”
meanwhile some homeless children are desperately attempting to integrate themselves into the plot
lance was busy and looker’s on vacation so Cynthia is tagging along today
but too bad for them because Giovanni is kickin’ this plot into HIGH GEAR
what did he summon???
SWEET MOTHER OF FUCK
“all right, where are the instructions on this thing? OK, tilt to aim–”
“uhhh boss I don’t think you’re actually supposed to be able to–”
FUCK THAT NOISE
NOBODY TELLS GIOVANNI WHAT IS POSSIBLE, GIOVANNI DECIDES WHAT IS POSSIBLE BY WHAT HE CHOOSES TO DO WITH HIS DAY WHEN HE WAKES UP IN THE MORNING
AND IF HE WAKES UP FEELING LIKE A BOX OF FROOT LOOPS THEN SHUT UP AND FASTEN YOUR SEATBELT BECAUSE CRAZY SHIT IS GONNA GO RIGHT THE FUCK ON DOWN
BEHOLD! THE MAKEOVER OF LEGENDS!
……
……giovanni
u ok
suddenly Giovanni starts trying to use the magic mirror to bend the three ancient spirits to his malevolent will!!
so yeah, he’s actually totally fine
unfortunately our resident band of homeless children have a problem with all of the uncontained awesomeness floating around out here and decide to put a stop to it
WELL GOOD LUCK WITH THAT, KIDS
there’s a big-ass fight but IDGAF so use your imagination
the only good part is Giovanni existing in the middle of it
“CERM ON PERKACHU, WE HAVE TER SERVE DER WERLD”
“FOOLISH CHILD, you think you can defeat the Therian forms of these legendary Pokemon with only a single Pikachu?”
“he’ll have to get through US first!”
unfortunately our heroes have inexplicably forgotten one very important fact…
…Pikachu is at level 500.
“PERKACHER USE YER ERLERTRIC ERTERK”
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU——
—UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU—-
—UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK
……HOLY SHIT HE’S DEAD!
HOLY SHIT HE ISN’T DEAD
MOTHER OF CHRIST
WHAT IS THIS ABOMINATION
SHIT DUDE
SHIT SHIT SHIT
HE’S GONNA FUCKING KILL HIMSELF WITH CRAZY OR SOMETHING, GODDAMN WHAT IS HAPPENING I DON’T EVEN
“Looks like the boss has finally cracked, Jessie.”
“That means there’s only one thing to do, James.”
…………
So what are you two gonna do, guys??? I mean you could just leave….this is the guy who you’ve been trying to impress unsuccessfully for 15 years, to the point that he spent most of your careers not actually knowing who you even were or whether you were still hired, and who’s given you nothing but reprimands on the very few occasions you’ve talked to him prior to getting sent to Unova. At this point you have your own identities as people that are only pretending to be tied to his approval and at the end of the day, you’ve seen enough of his character over the years to know he’s a truly despicable human being whose only concerns are acquiring wealth and power, who treats his pet cat better than the three of you–
OH FUCK
WHAT IS
HAPPENING RIGHT NOW I CAN’T
SWEET ODIN’S MUSTACHE
ARE THEY ACTUALLY
FUCKING SAVING THIS MAN’S LIFE I CAN’T
FEELS
FUCKING FEELS EVERYWHERE AT THIS WONDERFUL FOOLISHNESS
so yeah, being tackled twelve feet to the ground was apparently enough to snap Gio out of his demonic possession and Zager apologies for not doing more science to figure out that oh yeah, that was a thing that could maybe happen
Gio is a chill motherfucker though, he just has his fucking GOLD STAR EMPLOYEES OF THE MONTH assist him back to da choppa
“hey kids, can you like–clean all our shit up? the therian trio is still flying around and yeah, we pretty much don’t give a fuck what happens to meloetta now so if you want things to not be fucked up around here, do it your damn self”
and the kids clean up the Rockets’ mess.
But the real ending…..
….is the whole family in the chopper heading home…..
…..never to return to Unova? Only time will tell.
So, Giovanni–what valuable, life-changing lessons are you taking away from this whole experience?
“Lessons? I didn’t learn a goddamn thing.”
And that is why we love you.
Because no one can beat Archie’s manly beard of manliness!
A collab with lovely Voxsound.
SPITTING COFFEE EVERYWHERE JESUS CHRIST
Spoilers: screencaps from today’s Team Rocket episode
IT’S NOT REALLY SPOILERS IF I JUST COMPLETELY MAKE SHIT UP, RIGHT?
first off a ONE-MAN ARMY brings sexy back to Unova all by his goddamn self
hey you know why ghetsis isn’t on this show?? because he knows better than to try and compete for airtime with this suave motherfucker right here
“all right people we’ve got some serious goddamn shit to do today so nobody fuck this one up”
“I know you three have been strangely competent lately but your record is against you so focus”
“Yes, sir!”
MEANWHILE, WANDERING HOMELESS CHILDREN ARE UP TO THEIR USUAL BULLSHIT
MELOETTA IS THERE
also this random asshole exists?
“Ma'am? Yes, the children are still here doing their bullshit, everything’s fine”
“Excellent, Jeeves. The longer they freeload off of me, the more unnecessary screentime I get. Keep them fed.”
suddenly the reject Digimon protagonist shows up to “protect” Meloetta
oh jesus now we have to sit through the rest of the episode trying to get what is obviously a stupid-ass misunderstanding sorted out, what fun
….they….they actually use WORDS to communicate instead of chucking pokeballs around and discover the problem within thirty seconds like normal humans would?!
but then what is the point of HOLY SHIT A PLOT SHOWS UP, GODDAMN YOU GUYS ARE GOOD
the Rocket grunts send out their Zubat and Rattata–
WELL SHIT SON
“Madame Cynthia, you must come see this! There’s a plot in this show!…I’m not joking, ma'am! There’s a real, honest-to-Arceus plot happening in the villa backyard right now! Come quickly, I don’t know how long it will last!”
the kids cheese it
BUT NOT FAST ENOUGH
Ash and Meloetta cheese it more
BUT NOT FAST ENOUGH
HEY ASH, GUESS WHO HAS RIDICULOUS INFRARED GOGGLES AND NO TIME FOR YOUR PRECOCIOUS BULLSHIT?
THIS GENTLEMAN RIGHT HERE
THIS
MOTHERFUCKING
GENTLEMAN
YOU’VE BEEN WAITING FIFTEEN YEARS TO FEEL THAT PIMP SLAP AND YOU DIDN’T EVEN KNOW IT, SON
Gio steals all the shit worth stealing……and Ash
…and they get in a submarine.
why??? Bitch you think Giovanni wants Meloetta because it’s a kawaii fucking desu legendary Pokémon??? SIT YOUR ASS DOWN, HE GOT SOME SERIOUS GODDAMN PLANS UP IN HERE TODAY
there is some hardcore fucked-up ancient powerful SHIT down in the Abyssal Ruins
and Meloetta is the key to that crazy shit!!! OF COURSE YOUR STUPID ASS DIDN’T KNOW THAT AND GIOVANNI DID, JESUS, WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE
apparently the magic mirror is just BLOWN THE FUCK AWAY by Giovanni because the whole fucking ruins rise up out the goddamn ocean like fucking reverse Atlantis syndrome or some shit! Go change your fucking pantaloons, ladies and gentlemen, because YOU JUST SHAT ‘EM.
SPOILERS FOR NEXT WEEK: GIOVANNI CONTINUES TO BE AWESOME AS HELL
STAY TUNED
Giovanni: Congratulations for making it into Team Rocket. Here is your initiation mission.
There is a 80% chance you will die, a 90% chance you will get arrested, a 60% chance you will get maimed, and a 99.9% chance that you will experience a combination of the three. We will be going into a hostile foreign country and dealing with extremely dangerous Pokemon. Your job is to buy me time and generally look intimidating.
Here is your Zubat and Ratatta.
“
| — |
(via fyteamrocket) |
I love how utterly unimpressed Zager looks in that one scene from next week’s ep
“Sir, don’t get me wrong, I’m happy we’ve finally harnessed Meloetta’s power and all, but I was promised a pony for stalking those kids and their music fairy all this time.”
“I don’t see any ponies.”
“No seriously.”
“where is my pony sir.”
work those glasses matori
and that everything else
also persian what the fuck are you doing
you are a cat not a furby or rudolph
turn off your eyes and charm
They seem to have updated the Rocket “R” everywhere except on the uniforms. Maybe they hired a top Kanto branding agency to come in and redesign their corporate logo… (How would they get away with that? Because Giovanni can do whatever the goddamn hell he wants, that’s how.)
