Fuck Yeah, Pokémon Villains

Pokémon Emerald: Mt. Chimney Showdown

MAGMA GRUNT: We're Team Magma! They're Team Aqua! It totally annoys me that they'd use a name like ours!

AQUA GRUNT: We're Team Aqua! They're Team Magma! It burns me up that they'd use such a confusing name!

Team Aqua wins at life

So I’m playin’ through Emerald today, like ya do, and I just now got to Slateport, where all of the Aqua grunts are lined up outside the museum. I went and talked to them because I knew there was that one guy who says something lulzy about “reminds me of lining up to buy smash-hit games” or whatever, but next to the dude who can’t read the sign, I encountered something even more hilarious. (Crappy photos of my actual DS because I couldn’t find screencaps of this dialogue online.)

you guys.

I AM LOSING MY SHIT OVER THIS MENTAL IMAGE.

LIKE

YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND

“ “Captain! The ancient Pokémon data’s not here!”
“Are you sure about that?!”
“I can see the ‘Ancient Pokémon’ folder, but when I open it, it’s empty!” ”
COMPUTER SKILLS SHOWDOWN: TEAM AQUA VS. YOUR GRANDMA
WINNER: YOUR GRANDMA

“Captain! The ancient Pokémon data’s not here!”
“Are you sure about that?!”
“I can see the ‘Ancient Pokémon’ folder, but when I open it, it’s empty!”

COMPUTER SKILLS SHOWDOWN: TEAM AQUA VS. YOUR GRANDMA

WINNER: YOUR GRANDMA

I suggest you remain very still. It would be a shame to have to hurt you.

“

—	Aqua Admin Shelly, “Unfair Weather Friends”

Foolish child. You weren’t planning on going anywhere, were you? Now, be a good little boy and come with me.

“

—	Magma Admin Tabitha, “Gaining Groudon”

“My friend, you’re mistaken about us. Team Magma’s sole purpose is to unravel the mysteries of our planet, and in doing so we will build a better world for everyone. We have absolutely nothing in common with a bunch of crooks like Team Aqua.”

~ Maxie, “Gaining Groudon”

Do you understand now, Archie? Do you finally see how disastrous your dream turned out to be? We have to hurry! We have to do something before the situation gets completely out of control! [Player], don’t say anything…I know that I have no right to be critical of Archie…But the way things are now, I doubt that we humans will be capable of doing anything about it. But neither can we stand by and just watch helplessly. The responsibility for putting an end to this falls to Archie and me…This defies belief…Those super-ancient Pokémon…Their power is unbelievable. They’ve upset the balance of nature.

“

—	Maxie, games (Emerald)

This is my perfect world. Governed by an order that does not require either heart or conscience. It’s mine. Mine alone…

“

—	Cyrus’s last words, anime {episode 616}